Back

I have joined my parent's big 5-O party. I'm part of the 50s crew now!
Yes, I'm now a COOL 50. 50 KG. I've never hit 50 in my entire shoddy 18 years of life, and crap, I need to exercise. BADLY.

Not only that, I'm sore and aching and pimply all over now. Oh, and constipated. Nghh.

And I'm going to work on Monday, so I don't see how I'm ever going to lose the flab.

Nghh again.

Hope Singapore has been good!

Mabel: Sad to say, I didn't manage to buy much. Over estimated my budget ;(
Charmaine: That's GREAT to know!! Too bad I couldn't be there. See you on Sunday!
Hui ee: Haha I'm not surprised. I scare people off by recognising them but not vice versa. It's okay! (:

Firth

I assure ye, mortal who sought,
More often what meets the eye is not
Look beneath the torn covers
Bloodstain whispers secrets amongst others

Weep, for the time is soon to be nigh
When rampages fly from bushes high
Coming out of snow-capped hills
the End will sign its final will

With ink which flows from the Firth's still.

- 150905

---

The luggage I'm bringing is so big, I can curl up inside it. And the amount of space the clothes are taking up is like 1/10th of the luggage. I bet the others are going to laugh at me when they see it, because the luggage is kinda floppy. As in empty.

But it's coming back full okay. I hope lah.

edit4:30pm It's too big, so Adeline says better not. Repack!

Alright, I'm a-going to Bangkok in 7 hours' time. Gotta go brush up on my unused Thai level 1 now. Eeek.

Take care, everyone. I'll be back on the 29th!

Email me at bbenii@gmail.com if there's anything.

---

Since I won't be around, here's a big Happy Birthday in advance to my best secondary school mate Raeloloyousing (2809)!

Thanks for the little dinner and present, and being the most sincere person I will ever know. Don't ever drop that smile and crap of yours! Love ya.

I'll get something for you and Joycetan and Bimeleen from the land of smiles!



"If you wanna take a ride wit' me we three wheelin' in da four in a gold CEE-VEE oh why do I feel this way..." ;)

Age

My mom hits the big 5 - O today. Which means that..

She's half-a-century old! Eek okay let's not put it that way.

My mom's the superwoman. She still plays Pickleball (and has even won a doubles competition before), takes over running the lan shop from my dad when he's not free, does almost all the housework, is a great singer, was a U-18 national hockey player, is a patient, wise and efficient mother and wife.

Most importantly, she's one of the most godly women I know.

At 50, she looks almost nothing different from the picture below. No white hair, just slightly less hair and crow's feet. Her secret? Exercise!


I'm glad that our relationship has picked up tons from the last time I was still a pubescent teen who thought was mature enough to handle her own life. Ha ha ha.

I wonder if my mom already knew how much trouble I would be giving her when I grew up. Look at my angelic face can! HA.

Ironic as it seems, the mask I wore in the picture continued to be worn as the years passed. The older I became, the less I spoke at home, so much so that my mom actually 'ambushed' me in situations (think eating lunch) just to talk to me. And each time she did, I kept quiet or brushed all her questions off with a grunt (not my snorts).

But at school, I was nothing I was at home. Before each year began, my mom would always say the same thing: "I hope to receive less phone calls from the school this year hor." Hey, I don't get into trouble on purpose. I'm just plain unlucky alright. Never mind, you won't believe me no matter how much I explain unless you were my classmates.

I'm not rebellious. I'm just.. Playful. And my smart mouth always stood up for what I believed in. Okay, it used to.

Anyway, it was the self-centered me who didn't give two hoots about what embarrassment and shame my mom was being put into with all the principal and teacher meetings. I didn't understand her rationale for all the leashes she put around my neck, and I thought she was super unreasonable.

I was the unreasonable one.



To cut the long story short, it was only early this year when I thoroughly realised what a failure I had been. My parents brought me up unconditionally and with so much, yet I so often swiped all their effort into the drain. I lived my life as I wanted, I took them for granted.

When I was all busy with school projects and stuff, mom avoided asking me to do the housework no matter how busy or tired she'd be. Breakfast was prepared without fail every morning, and at every sign of irritation I showed, she'd back off nicely and try to appease my anger. And I'd try to compromise and let go of the irritation in me.


"Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." - Exodus 20:12

The only commandment of the 10 which came with a promise, yet it has always been an adage - a "saying". Instead of saying, live it.

Two-way communication is essential, I feel.


I'm always thankful to God that I have a happy family and good parents. We may not be in the best of financial abilities anymore, but this has not broken us apart in any way.

Perhaps the day a child understands the hardship of being a parent and learns proper respect, is the day a parent knows that their job has been fufilled. Because the child has truly grown up.

"The world may forsake you, but God and us [your family] will never." - Mom

Mom's my role model, and I love her.
(I still don't have the guts to say that to her, 'cos I never had the guts to say that to anyone except for God.)

Work

I got my internship at DDB again :D
Maybe I should get the iPod Nano with my meagre intern's pay.

Anyway, I've been thinking about what I'd want to do in future.

Advertising is very much a work hard, play hard thing and I like the industry's competitiveness in creativity. Yet the stupid IR is coming up, and I believe working as a PR orifice-r there would be really interesting. Of course, that is if I could.

Third-year only allows us 3 modules to choose from. Which means that these 3 modules chosen are going to be really essential to my future job! By 2008, I'll be saying hello to the industry. And that is in about 2 years' time. It's real scary.

So what are they going to be? I've narrowed my choices down to:

1. Advanced Advertising

Advanced Advertising is like being in the Accounts Department of an advertising agency. They are the ones who come up with the creative concepts and liaise with the clients for the best strategies possible. A colleague in DDB once told me that "an agency can never be run by creatives (people working in the Creatives Department) because creatives are perfectionists and would not care about the budget or what the client would prefer".

2. Advertising Creatives

So yeah, the Creatives is pretty much where the materialisation of the concept takes place. I call the Creatives department in DDB the Orchard, because the whole dang place is filled with Apples. G5s. So irritating. They do the posters, commercials, blah blah, after the Accounts Department finalises the briefs.

This module is not too heavy as compared the former and the latter modules.

Here's a little more info: There's a little department in between the Accounts and the Creatives called 'Traffic', which, like the name goes, controls what is plausible and what isn't. So unless Traffic gives the green light, Creatives cannot start.

3. Advanced Public Relations

In dearest Ms A's words, "advanced PR is nothing like what you learn in year two". Ho hum. PR is fun, just like in advertising, where you have to be on your toes and where 'everyday is a new experience' - my kind of fun. It requires much meticulousness and foresight I guess, but 'meticulous' isn't really one of my strengths. Hmm.

4. Integrated Marketing Communications

I don't know exactly what is going to be about, but it sounds useful enough. I heard that it is a pretty heavy course. A third-year friend currently taking the module said that "unless you have a sick love for IMC, don't go for it". Weeeell.

5. Acting & Directing

I have always enjoyed acting and directing, albeit small skits in church or that stupid musical when I was in secondary one. This module is quite enjoyable, I heard.

6. Presentation Skills in Chinese

I kid you not. Even though my conversing in Chinese is a little not-so-fluent, I don't think my chinese is anywhere below par. Hey, I came from some cheena school and took some higher cheena subject can? Ha ha ha.

But seriously, Chinese is going to be quite important and useful in future. Then again, there will only be 3 modules to choose... I guess I don't really have to waste a slot on learning to speak Chinese when practising it on my own will help.


I think studying is a comfort on its own. Once you go the industry, there will be no one to guide you, not much room for mistakes and bills to start paying from your own pocket.

Let's see what God wants for me.. Interesting as the industry may be, it will be a tough place to keep morals afloat. Look at how it already is even in schools.

ALRIGHT my dear brother completed
my blog post without my knowledge. Thanks a million, kor.

Anyhow.


I have been on the post for almost an hour now. Typed, deleted, and edited. I have so much things to say to so many people, but I guess there is no point in putting them up here. Forget it. I've never been really vocal about how I really feel concerning certain issues, and well, let it continue to be so.

Maybe I shall leave one. Just one.

twice fleetingly our eyes met,
in pain and sorrow i both turned and fled
60 nights ago i resisted the urge,
today perhaps you too remained in the lurch


UGH NEVERMIND.
Happy birthday Serene.

Goodnight.

When the hour passed, it meant a whole new set of responsibilities coming upon my shoulders. 17 has been an ironically painful number, but the past has to go. Thank you everyone for your well-wishes. If I didn't reply, I'm sorry! My battery died this morning.


now that i'm 18, i can do so many things!!! whee i'm so happy!!! :P i can learn to drive, drink, and lead a decadent lifestyle, LEGALLY! whats more, i can apply for debit card etc etc, isn't that like totally insane! ooh, i can't wait to buy my first beer and whip out my cool pink i/c as a decleration of coming of age keke. lalala, it's a wonderful world out there for an 18 year old (except for USA, stupid 21 year old age limit),

In 11 hours

BYEBYEYEARTWOSEMESTERONE!!


IHATEYOUTOTHEBOTTOMOFMYSTINKYHAVAIANAS.

My complexion has never been worse. Nghh.
Somehow I have a feeling that sem 2 will leave me disfigured.
Nghh.

"Give"


It's simple, yet sends a powerful message. I like.


Picture courtesy of the Indian Red Cross Society
Cannes Lions - International Advertising Festival, 2005
(Silver Lion) for Fundraising & Appeals

I've always been trying too hard, haven't I?
Sometimes I wonder, why don't I just give up.
I want to.
But I always contradict myself. Don't I?

So I shall continue, in silence.

I don't feel like celebrating anything,
I don't feel like going to Bangkok,
I don't feel like studying,
I don't feel like

myself.



There's a void in me which has been left by you.

The sky outside is darkly fascinating.
I haven't seen so many flashes of lightning in Singapore
for quite some time already.


Into no man's land enters spies and lies
Penetrating the layers where clouds rise and form
And when lightning strikes the same place twice,
shall a purple wash over the eye of a storm.




I should be studying, shouldn't I.

Def

If "resolve" could just be easily made up of those seven alphabets,
Life would be perfect.

But it isn't.

The Unattainables

1. Carter Beauford as my drumming mentor.
2. Carter Beauford as my drumming mentor.
3. Carter Beauford as my drumming mentor.
4. 
   

I want to be one of Singapore's top female drummers by 23.

Can I?

Anyway, here's something I got off Friendster. Then Derek's blog. Ha.

20 people you can think of right off your head:
1. Evelyn
2. XB
3. Rose
4. Doreen
5. Aaron
6. Priscilla
7. Wenyao
8. Derek (lucky it was your blog!)
9. Charmaine
10. Anne
11. Adeline
12. Gideon
13. Eddy
14. Juan
15. Serene Loo
16. Raelo lo
17. Joyce T
18. Emileen
19. Karen
20. Jenn

-How did you meet 13?:
- CAMBODIA! Haha I hardly knew his existence in mass comm in year 1 lah.

-What would you do if you never met 5?:
- Like that lor. HAH.

-What do you honestly think of 10?:
- Anne's a warm person who looks cold.

-Have you ever liked no.3?:
- Yikes, how could I not like her?

-If 1 died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would like to do?:
- Go for one last jam and tell her I love her.

-Would 2 and 11 make a good couple?:
- Charbee + Moonteng? Hmmm. Disastrous.

-Do you think 12 is hot?:
- If I set the lipase on fire, perhaps!

-Would 1 and 17 make a lovely couple?:
- EEK. Cannot.

-Tell me something about 11:
- Watch out for her name on design magazines in future!

-Do you know any of 3's family members?:
- I know the whole family can.

-On a scale of 1-10 how cute is 14?:
- Ohno. Can I change the name? Erm. 2. Sorry Juan!!

-What would you do if 4 just professed their undying love for you:
- She already has, my sister-in-Christ. (:

-What language does 19 speak?:
- English, english, english!

-Who is 8 going out with?:
- ERH, I don't know sia. Haha.

-Would 18 and 5 make a good couple?:
- Firstly, she's older. Secondly, she's taller!

-When was the last time you talked to 6?:
- Yesterday at our movie outing!! :D

-What is 18's favorite band?
- I believe she has no preference.

-Does 4 have any siblings?:
- Yeah, one younger sister.

-Would you ever date 1?:
- ...

-Would you ever date 7?:
- eeek, no.

-Is 15 single?:
- Nope! Attached!

-what is 19s last name?:
- Wong Mama!

-What is 3's middle name?:
- Rose "mama" Tan.

-What is 10's fantasy?:
- Becoming a top model or executive.

-Would 14 and 19 make a good couple?:
- HAHAHA YES YES YES

-What school does 16 go to?:
- St. Andrews Junior College.

-What school does 1 go to?:
- School of FMS!

-Where does 9 live?:
- Hawaii Towers@Katong! Go visit her!

-Would you make out with 13?:
- NO!! Who'd want a pole? No offence, Eddy. HAHA.

-Are 5 and 6 best friends? :
- Big sister and younger bro (:

-Is 20 older than you?:
- Gosh, yes! A cool 11 years!

-is 4 the sexiest bitch alive?:
- No, she ain't no bitch.

-is 17 your ex?
- Yeah she my ex-schoolmate -__-

-do you ever see yourself with 12 and 18?
- I do go out with them.

- how is 2 ?
- My best malegalpal. (:

I henceforth declare:

Reading The Economist is very depressing.

Humans are mostly judgemental creatures who can forgive but not forget.
So, technically speaking, just plain unforgiving.


I find myself being tested in so many waters.
How long will I keep afloat?

1 Corinthians 10:13
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."


I shall strive not pining for what is not good for me,
nor shall I walk the lines the world dares me to.
With Christ, I will.

Interval
annie lennox - why

It actually felt weird staying out all day around town not doing any work,
having my mind off projects (for the time being) and coming home to sit and stare into space.

The fatigue is catching up as I type, so I'll make this short.

This semester, my eyes were opened to many things. Shocking, scary, saddening, silly, sucky.

Whatever they may be, the most important lesson was patience.

Luke 6:32-36 says,
32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. ³³And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. ³⁴And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. ³⁵But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. ³⁶Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.




The 4th Estate: Karen (Editor), Benita & Valerie (Sub-Editor), Adeline (Designer), Elizabeth, Guang Rong, Juan, Pearl, Yuxin.

Thanks guys, we all did it.


XB and I still agree that for one meagre 30% project, all the decadence and ugliness which surfaced weren't worth it at all. And the compromising of other projects just for this.

Ain't worth it.

Bollocks

I just remembered that Teacher's Day was 3 days ago, and that I actually went down to my old secondary school to take a peek. Not that I willingly went, but only because Cheena-Nanhua is rumoured to be 'going down the drain', so to speak.

The school has changed (in all sense of the word) so much that I don't think I'll even know the school when next year comes.

After I'd left in 2003 (thank God!), the school moved to a (too) big, newer campus. With a smaller band room, I must add. Perhaps the only thing to rejoice about is the fact that there wouldn't be anymore chances of finding lizards in curry sauce pots, and old tattletale canteen vendors digging their noses or sneezing into the food while cooking.


Let me see what else they've changed..

1. The Principal. (He got promoted.)
   
   Whoopee!! Alright, I'll give credit to the old guy for his foresight to bring the school's standards up. BUT this extended nowhere towards his principal-student relationships. At least Mr. Congeniality Vice-Principal existed to save my butt.
   However, I heard that the new P is... (searching for a word) is... Media savvy. Maybe he'd have liked me more than the old P.
   
   
   Maybe that's all they did. Because the rest, it was HIS doing.
   (Note: the following affects me, if not I wouldn't even bother.)
   
   
   1. THE HAIR RULE
      
      I could not get over this, and I still can't. There was a rule that all girls had to keep their hair above the uniform collars (which were suspiciously 'tall'), unless they were dancers.
      
      Of course, you'd never catch me dead in a Chinese dance CCA. So what if they are tops in Singapore. Oh and I must add - so if you are a dancer? Go ahead and keep your hair long.
      
      BUT HAVE THEM IN PLAITS. And make that TWO.
      
      I'd have looked like this.
      
      
      
      
      After I left, he allowed all girls to keep their hair long, provided everyone two plaits. Then the rule slowly changed so that plaits weren't necessary anymore. NGHH!
      
      
      
      
   2. THE UNIFORM (this doesn't affect me directly, but it affects my resume indirectly.)
      
      First they changed the back of the P.E. T-shirt to have some badly drawn NH characters in Chinese. Then they added those ruddy inconvenient buttons (the Cheena High Institution kind, only silver) and FLAPS to distinguish SAP students the year I went in. Elitist buggers.
      
      My mom spent four years nagging at me to remove the buttons before wash because they'd rust and clank around the washing machine. I sewed the flappies onto the shoulder collars and tried to avoid getting caught without the buttons.
      
      So this year, they came up with some ugly P.E. T-shirt to replace the old ones (they were ringers lor, so glam right). Instead of the white-with-blue-ringers T-shirt, they expanded the ringers to become sleeves. BLUE SLEEVES. The design on the T-shirt's back was fashioned to look uncannily like that of the new P's old Pre-U located somewhere further in the west. (Refer to pic)
      
      I'm no fashionista, but I know when not to touch something with as much as a ten-foot pole.
      
      
   3. The Teachers
      
      I couldn't recognise half the staff. Either they grew younger, or they simply vanished. Of course they didn't grow younger lah. I met some of my teachers and some of them were considering 'moving on'. Yah right.
      Won't say too much in case I get into trouble. Anyhow, I also heard that the new P is 'moving on', too. He's getting PROMOTED.
      
      But before he leaves, he just has to make sure his legacy lives on.
      
      
   4. THE SCHOOL NAME
      
      This one, I really must complain.
      
      He wants to change it to N__ H__ HIGH SCHOOL. And note that I'm using 'he'.
      The students had no say at all.
      
      Which part of 'Heritage' or 'Tradition' does he not understand??
      Even I, as much as I'm not attached to the school, do.

View the petition. Apparently the name change is for sure.


That's why I may not want to go back anymore.

Scribe
one last cry - brian mcknight

I can't imagine not sleeping for 36 hours.
I can imagine not sleeping well for 360 days.


2 more days.


We're almost through.